dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
