i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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