Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
