Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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