So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The adults are the big ones right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
