I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
