we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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