Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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