I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
