Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
