I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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