How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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