If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
