the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
