I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
People in love make me want to vomit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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