Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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