im drinking this country out of the recession.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
