Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
