My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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