but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
