May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
