ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
