I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
