No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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