im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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