Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
