My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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