wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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