put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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