I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
