Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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