no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
