I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
