he told me I talked like a deaf person
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
