I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
