Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
