You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
