it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
