how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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