Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
