I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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