woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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