1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
