Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
