Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
