1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
zippers are such a cool invention
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
