did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
