Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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