ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
