you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
