She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
