Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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