winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
