So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
