Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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