whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
