two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
