I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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