So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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