Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
id be glad to
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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