tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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