i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize