quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
