There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
