so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
